That’s it. I’ve kept such a level head all along, close to smug in my determination to remain cool. I promised myself I wouldn’t get too distracted, stressing out about where we’re heading. I come from a long line of worriers, but found it to be counter productive and was able to rationalize my way to a “que sera” kind of attitude.
But then Today showed up. Today with its absolute control over our future. Today, standing over there with just the hint of a smile, irreverent, snuffing out a cigarette on yesterday and tomorrow. Today is a whole different ball game, with a whole different type of anticipation, spiked with anxiety. My notoriously strong and resilient stomach is spinning and churning in my gut. For the first time in memory, nothing sounds good to eat. I should exercise. I should walk the dogs. I should do yoga. I should scrub the floors. I should prepare for the onslaught of guests this weekend! Instead, I am paralyzed by the promise, potential and magnitude of today.