Thank you all for your kind words regarding the cinnamon buns and our little bun (now actually about the size of a bun.) And even more than that, thank you for harnessing the urge to torment me ruthlessly regarding the Flamin Hot Cheetos thing. (except for my sister who will likely never forget-<hey I’ve got your green bean casserole right here>) I don’t know if I’d have been able to ignore something so…um…orange.
So last week my brother updated his facebook status to inform the world that he was enjoying his first Shamrock Shake of the season. I hadn’t considered it before then, and in my own defense have NEVER been saddled with a Shamrock-monkey on my back, but now I’m pregnant and nothing is safe from my ravenous toothy maw. I can’t stop thinking about them. The last one I had was in Chicago, while waiting to attend a taping of “Wait, wait, don’t tell me!” I remember thinking how lucky I was to be hangin with Snakes, who’d brilliantly bought one when he’d run off to use the bathroom, and now he was here by my side, generously sharing his Shake.
With strengthening determination, I looked up McDonalds locations on my iPhone. Awesome!! 3 within 1-2 miles of walking distance. Maybe I could work it into daily dog walks. Then I could totally justify it. As luck would have it, we had a rental car for the weekend. On our way to the grocery store, I suggested we swing through McDonalds for a quick treat. I could barely contain myself. That institutional green frozen minty creamy dream, those extra wide straws that only McDonalds has. Imagine how my heart fell when they just shrugged and said, “I don’t know, I guess sometime in March.” I nearly choked on the saliva pooling in my mouth.
“Wait. What? WHEN? But WHEN exactly in March?”
“Ah..dunno. Like around St Patty’s.”
Good God. We’ll be as good as gone by then. Tears welled up in my eyes. A sense of urgency (and irrationality) quickly overwhelmed me. I took to the internet, stumbling upon Find the Shake. Oh my god!! Reports of The Shake just minutes from here, at Union Station! How can this be? Such good fortune! Oh happy happy day. It’s all mine and I’m embracing it.
Snakes circled the station after dropping me off at the front doors. I tore through the lobby and found the McDonalds nestled back away from the food court on the ground level floor. Odd. No signs. Someone on the website mentioned signs… no worries, the website SAID they were here. What maniac would post something like that just to torment pregnant women? I waited, foolishly hopping back and forth between two lines and extending the anguish even further. I thought that maybe they didn’t have the signs out quite yet because they weren’t really sham-rockin’ at full capacity. Maybe they were only making them available to the “true fans”. As I approached the counter, I prepared myself to order with a hushed voice and a knowing wink.
“Not til March.”
“Whoa. Wait a minute. You sure? <wink> Because the website… the website said….”
“I dunno what website you’re talkin about, no one gets em til March.”
Oh cruel and unusual punishment!
Defeated. I slumped away, barely holding myself together. It’s not true that “no one” gets them til March! A complete lie! Michigan’s had them for nearly a week now! There are reports springing up all through New York. Why should they get such preferential treatment? Sadly, or perhaps more appropriate, pathetically, the story doesn’t end here. This just in: The Shake has just been reported over on M Street NW between 19th and 20th, a little over 3 miles from here. If I set out now, I can beat the lunch rush. Maybe I should call first.